Thursday, February 16, 2012
I know between all the members of my family, and the number of days we’ve been living here in France we have been on quite an emotional rollercoaster. There have been bursts of ups & downs for us all spread throughout these past 7 weeks, but I’ve never felt them so keenly as today – and only my own. One minute I’m happy and excited and enjoying the day, the next I am feeling so down & lonely I could burst into tears at any minute. I want to go home! Those are the words echoing through my head this afternoon. Usually taking the dogs for a walk in the park makes me feel great, but today it only enhanced my loneliness. It’s hard being without S during the week. It’s hard not having any girlfriends to call to go out with. It’s hard spending so much time with only myself as company. I’m not used to it. I’m normally a very social person who gets a lot of energy from being around others.
It’s just one of those days when I’m wondering what on earth I’m doing here in this foreign place – what is the point of all this? This house is not my house. My family and friends are not just a phone call or quick trip away. This language is not mine. It’s so hard to get even the simplest of tasks done – I have a package to pick up at the post office, but it takes so much energy to figure out how to get there, where to park, what to say when I get there, etc. that it’s hard to get motivated to go. I had to work up a ton of courage yesterday just to go to the butcher to try and get the cut of meat I wanted. The learning curve is so steep that I’m afraid I’m never going to be able to get up it.
I know it’s just a bad day (for whatever reason), and this will pass, but as of right now I just want to go home!